also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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