All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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