I seem to have left my pride at pride
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Someone stole a lamp last night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
