I faked an abortion last night.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
