So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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