remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
