i don't like sucking hair
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
