Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
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Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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