All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
