I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
