ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
