dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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