new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
