woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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