Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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