So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
