Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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