I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
