he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
