doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
thus making me awesome and them whores
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Floor bacon is actually really good
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
