Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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