butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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