3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
