Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
