I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
