wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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