I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
