i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize