It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
