remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
