The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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