So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She even gives head with a lisp.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I didn't notice because vodka
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
