I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
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The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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