the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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