The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
