420 ftw
Tell her she can't have a vagina
People in love make me want to vomit
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
