i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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