you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
