i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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