cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
