operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
