also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
