I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
