thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
