Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
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Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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