Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
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our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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