i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
