I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my being single is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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