I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
and she was petting her beer can
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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