I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
