he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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