So drunk its hurt
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my being single is dangerous.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
