I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
