she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
