i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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