I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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