She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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