I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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