Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Randomize
