I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
