We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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