and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
