you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
