3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize