This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
