Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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