I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's blow job season.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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