I want to have your abortion
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
