i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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