It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize