how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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