I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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