put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
