My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
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Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
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He's a Shit stain on my heart
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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