I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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